Normally, if I couldn't do a Podcast I'd make an announcement via Twitter and not make a big deal about it.
I have taken the decision not to record a Podcast this week because I simply have too much I want to say. The graphic above's one of the processing stages I've gone through since the World imploded on Monday, but it's not really where I am currently: doing the News Podcast has helped focus my brain, but I'm still not ready to open my mouth, ESPECIALLY unscripted. I had always said you'd be able to tell when I didn't want to talk about Warcraft, that I'd give myself away with the tone and approach of my voice. Right now, I'm still a bit too angry with myself and unable to balance everything to make what I think would be a professional and realistic job of putting everything into perspective, and then record it. In fact, this might actually be the moment where I end up going BACK to a script to say what I want without getting all emotional and stuff. In this case, I'm concerned I'd say something I might end up regretting when I could have taken a step back and considered my options first.
See, the thing is, I still love this game. I haven't woken up (yet) and decided I've had enough and I can't be bothered to wait to whenever the Expansion actually gets released. I'm not about to throw a dramatic hissy fit and stomp off muttering about timescales and commitments. I'm also likely to get a bit teary over something that triggered some really rather intense feelings that is related to the game and there will be those who say that if that happens you're doing it wrong to begin with. When you are in a relationship, sometimes it takes a while to work out what you really want to say to someone, to quantify the feelings you have. This game made me angry this week, and frustrated, and disappointed but I am adult enough to understand these feelings aren't anyone else's problem except mine. There is no torch to grasp and pitchfork to hurl at either individual or organisation, because all such reactions are subjective and as a result are not to be used as weapons to begin with. I return therefore to words, which at times like this are pretty much my support mechanism.
What I need therefore is time, and in my current schedule there simply isn't any if I'm Podcasting today.
|... aaaand BREATHE.|
There are those that would encourage me to go and record everything I've felt since Monday afternoon as a way to deal with it, and although I can see the merit in this, I reckon I know myself well enough to know this has POTENTIAL DEATHTRAP stencilled across it in large, friendly letters. As a result, dear Podcast listeners, I will give it a week and I'll be back with you, and I promise I'll make it worth your while when I do return. I am determined to remain under my 15 minute 'budget' at all times and that means being able to come to the table with the right things to say, and in the right manner.
If you'll excuse me, I am now off to do a Yoga session. I'll be back with you all later.