Sunday, December 15, 2013

Marguerita Time

Second post in a day? You mad?

Occasionally, it is a wise idea to take a step back.

Once upon a time, I used to get really rather stressed out at Raid Time. A lot of it had to do with my own personal weight of expectation: would I be good enough, could I contribute, would it matter if I made a mistake. Back in the glorious days of raid alliances when all that mattered was if I had enough DKP for the trousers, it was a different midset. As time went on, the considerations changed and evolved, but the basic lessons I had been taught remained intact, a constant reminder that flasking and pre-potting could make the difference, that turning up with not simply extra arrows was only part of my list of considerations. There is much to be thought of if you are going to do your job properly, and quite high on the list must remain the understanding that you are simply part of a team. You are not indispensable, or indeed irreplaceable.

A lot has changed in nine years. The priorities, the goals, the expectations are all vastly different than they were when I began. However, I remain intact within them: I went out yesterday and picked 100 Pomfruit, so I could have enough food for myself, bought a stack of flasks so  I could keep the agility skill up. I quietly remind myself I need to do the Noodle Cart quest so I can give out food for everyone, and am grateful for the Guildies who do this to keep everyone fed as we continue our slow but steady journey through Flex. I also realise that I remain much the same when met by frustration. last week, we were able to kill the Sha of Pride. This week, we couldn't. Not being able to do something I know we've been capable of before always gets me, every single time, the inability to grasp what is different from one week to the next. This week however there was a change: I know why we failed, what we need to do to improve. I also understand that a few beers the night before a raid, at least for me, is really not a good idea for the powers of concentration and consistency.

However, that's not why the beer's in the header.

I understand myself well enough now to grasp that sometimes, if there's something I don't particularly want to do, distracting myself is quite helpful. However, this is no longer the case with the game: distractions don't work, in fact they cause me more issues than they solve. If there's a puzzle that needs solving, or an achievement I really want, the only sure-fire way to get the job done is to knuckle down and do the business. That why I'll be online shortly to kill my 20 Cows on the Timeless Isle because there are 275 Rep points with my name on and as I'm currently at 15377/21000 the quicker I kill things, the faster what looks like Mount #200 will be mine (oh yes.) In the end, if you want something and you don't need to rely on anyone else, then you just have to get on with it. If I've learnt any lesson at all this year, this is it. Don't expect anyone else to dictate your future: it's your job, and if it matters, make a difference.

It's a t-shirt. YES REALLY.

However, it is easy to forget that this is a game for most people: not a contest or a race, and for those who don't live in my head or ascribe to my mindset... well, I can't make people work as hard as I do. I can't expect them to put in the hours and when they fail, I have to accept that this is what happens. I am no longer the person who is prepared to lay down the law as I did in the past, because I have to hope that after all this time people will learn and grasp the importance of the group dynamic and their place within it... but sometimes it just doesn't happen. That is the moment to go open the fridge and refer myself back to the top image. It's time for a break, and a reminder that there is always next week, and there are lots of other things to consider. I think the fact these things do still frustrate me is no bad thing, but being able to distance myself... I'm glad I found a way to do that, because life is too short to obsess about such things.

As long as I'm true to myself, that is all that really matters. I'll cross my fingers, hope for the best, and maybe next week we'll make progress again.

1 comment:

Jonathan said...

Sha of Pride didn't go down this week because I couldn't make it, OBVIOUSLY. :-)