Friday, November 22, 2013

The Fix


Is there anyone here who really enjoys drama?

I bet some of you secretly put your hands up, didn't you? I know who you are, you're the ones who constantly complain about how rubbish your Guild mates are but won't tell them to their face, until they're the ones who cause your 1% wipe and then suddenly you're off on a tirade. You're the person who hops on Twitter after a bad night and throws out the opportune subtweet and then wanders off to see if your friends pick up the reference. In fact, I reckon most of us might, at some point in our lives, been guilty of contributing to the Drama Pool of Gaming Life. I know I've done it. There. I SAID IT.

The problem with drama is, eventually, it all gets out of hand.

We have a way in our Guild to solve this issue. We have a Designated Blamer.

Our Paladin even has his own Guild rank: Blame Me. It means he doesn't even have to be here, if something goes wrong, we simply blame him. Bad pull? Stupid additional trash wipe? His doing. You'd be amazed how much easier this makes everyone's lives, and because he is the kindest, most generous of guys, he'll take it all with a smile and good grace. Every Guild should have a Blame rank, because once you step past the culture of having to accuse someone else of being at fault, lots of things actually change. People will actually stand up and admit their wrongdoings too, and when they do mess up will come forward far more willingly. It's all about trust and understanding.

It's all about talking to each other and actually listening to the responses, and creating a dialogue from that.

It's also got a lot to do with not being confrontational, aggressively pushing things onto others, and instead finding a halfway point where dialogue matters more than enforcing either an opinion or a point. If you want someone to understand or learn something, you are far more likely to achieve that by finding something positive to begin with before launching into the negative, because people will automatically withdraw and be far less willing to listen or indeed learn if you're always reinforcing the bad ahead of the good. I know, it may sound very New Age for many people, that I have to sit here and make these points, but I think somewhere along the way something's been lost. I had this point made to me only last night, as it happens: Blizzard spent all that time talking about Community at Blizzcon, and yet this is the Community that reacts to wrongdoing in LFR by wishing 101 evils on anyone who they perceive as falling short of expectation.

Something is not right out here, and it's been like this for a while.

How we change it is difficult, because so many people have an agenda to push, or a point to prove, or a message to pass on. They're protecting their particular space and friends, or afraid that they might be exposed as something they're not. People should not have to apologise for what they are, even if you disagree with the means their ideas are delivered. People should be given the chance to enter into sensible and meaningful dialogue with each other based on an understanding not simply of the message, BUT THE PERSON GIVING IT. Most importantly of all, if your reaction to a difference of opinion is to destroy someone verbally and give no corner, you will be on a hiding to nothing. People WILL lose respect for you. There are better ways, and change isn't just about you pushing a point until the other person shuts up and walks off.

That's not an argument, that's a tirade.

Now, because I've been deliberately non-specific about the people who have inspired this post, there will inevitably be those who will look at this and assume I'm posting this and referring to them.So, let's fix that. John, you don't need to apologise for having an opinion, not ever, especially if people don't actually know who what you are about because they don't read your Blog every day like the rest of us. You are entitled to your opinion, and if people don't grasp WHY you say what you do then maybe they need to think more and pass judgement less. Aramis, I'm really sorry your sexuality is getting lost in an argument which is as much about you as it about everyone else, and frankly your point's one of the most eloquent and understated I've seen. People really should consider a wider picture. Oh, and Scott, I'm really sorry I assumed you'd tell me, because I patently did not factor in the possibility there would be reasons why you didn't.

You see, it is very easy to simply do your own thing, observe the World around you, and patently fail to grasp the fact that real people have hopes, dreams and opinions that are often quite different from ours, and that if we all want to get on with each other, IT'S NOT JUST THEM WHO NEED TO LISTEN.

I need to change too. So do you. Don't think you're good enough, because you can always be better.

You're NEVER as worthy as you think you are.

1 comment:

MuttleyXIII said...

A brilliant post.

It's all too easy sometimes to get caught up in the moment and not fully understand where people are coming from.