|Nope, sorry, NOT HAPPENING.|
Being the mum to two competitive kids (and one dad) can sometimes be a thankless task.
Yes, there are days where you step up with everyone else, because one of the most significant life lessons most kids will learn at a point in their existence is that if you want something? You will have to work for it. So really, that process of pushing and fighting is an essential part of evolution. Except there are days when that's the last thing you want to do whilst enjoying yourself.
Here's where gaming can become an issue, especially for someone like me.
|Yes, someone has to be last. WOMAN UP.|
Somebody has to be last. That can be a bitter pill to swallow sometimes, especially if you're one of those people who has to do their best regardless and can't handle defeat as well as perhaps others can. You don't have to be a failure to take that spot: sometimes you do it to allow others the opportunity to feel comfortable and deal with their own notions of self. You deliberately hold back, but then there are times where however hard you try, things just won't go to plan. Your brain begins to be your own worst enemy. Even the most simple of tasks becomes a mountain. Then, you make a conscious decision: fight or walk away. As a mother, the fight option has to be the default, because you don't get to walk away when you're a Role Model. You keep hitting your head until it bleeds, and you like it, you enjoy it, and you look past the self loathing and disbelief.
Because you will sacrifice yourself to make sure the next generation gets to live a better life than you do.
I'm come to the point in my personal life where the decisions I make are affected by a fairly standard number of factors: do I enjoy this? Is it good relaxation? The latest one I've had to contend with is quite morally complex: do I get paid for it? If I do, then that means a different set of rules, because professionalism matters to me. This blog however has always been intensely personal and very much my emotional reaction to how gaming works in my head, and that's not ever going to change. The more public I get, the more people remind me that 'getting grief' is part of that process. I've decided that this is absolutely fine, but if people start handing it out they better be damn well ready for getting some back. Because playtime is officially over.
If you're paying for me to do a job, the rules are different. This is my place, and as a result? Anything goes. Nope, there's no tip jar or 'Buy me a Coffee' button here because I'm STILL not doing this for any kind of thanks, and as a result? Giving me money would change the game. Yes, I may now write for a living, but not here. This is my flop pad, the comfy chair I use to sit back and look at the gaming world, and as long as I feel the need to go off on the occasional rant-filled aside? That's the way it is. Like it or lump it. No apologies, and no rewards seems a a fairly decent trade off, at least in my mind. I can still be a decent, passionate human being with an opinion, and you can still take massive offence and rant.
Pretty much the best of both worlds if you ask me.