|Everybody loves a Villain.|
It's been a funny old week, all told.
Yesterday bought to a head a number of personal issues I've had with Warcraft for a while: some are with the game, others are with the people that play it. None of it really matters in the greater scheme of things, of course, as Mr Alt likes to remind me, like video game arguments actually matter to anything anyway. I joked yesterday on Twitter that actually speaking my mind could be considered tantamount to 'career' suicide, except of course that's ridiculous. Once upon a time, I did want to do this as a job, until the moment I reminded myself again that I'd have to sacrifice a part of my soul I have no real desire to give up. The problem is that too many people in gaming want to be heroes, and perilously few will take up the mantle of villain, because if you do, the inevitable consequences are... well, inevitable.
Being the Bad Gurl is always a thankless task ^^
|Table flipping's all part of the resume.|
See, when your huge company wants to forge relationships with its player base, it has to go with people it trusts. As a result (and we discussed this at length last week) being on the outside can be more than a little galling for some if they feel that the other side of the fence is where all the lovely sparkly stuff is to be had. People make friendships that become professional relationships with others they know, because it is simply easier and safer than taking the chance on the unknown. Except, sometimes, stuff doesn't go right. Mistakes are made, and if nobody's prepared to stand up and say something, nothing ever changes. Resentment builds, and eventually nobody says anything any more... because, that's just the way things are. That's never sat right with me. Life should never be about letting people get away with average, when it can be done better, or differently. So, how do you blow the whistle and stay friends with everyone? You don't. The way it works is that lots of people lose all the respect for the work you've done and you accept the possibility you'll be isolated, or you simply don't see it as an issue to begin with.
I pretty much sit in the latter camp. I'm not here to be Blizzard's friend. I'm here to play their game.
|Keep talking, Internet, some of us may not be listening ^^|
If you believe the soul purpose of writing a Blog is to be complimentary, I think you're in a really commendable headspace. I wish I was one of those people who could just focus on the good in things. Ironically, I've written two 'legitimate' fansites over the years, one of which actually became professionally backed and was quite trailblazing for its time. I enjoyed the concept initially, but after a while it became clear that actually, if you're being paid by somebody else to make their TV Show look good, what happens when you stop believing it is? Are you able to lie with impunity to keep your pay-cheque intact? I decided that actually I couldn't, and yet was still able to walk away with a pretty sizable 'handshake' for having done the groundwork. Of course, these incidents don't always move in your favour. Personally, I've made my bed here, and I'm happy where I lie. I may like to joke about a lot of things that happen as a result too, and that's part of how I survive: fuck, some people still think I'm a man after six years and countless podcasts, and who am I to try and correct them? Except I always do, because that's also part of the deal.
As a brief aside, anyone who thinks I'd use my sexuality as a serious effort to points score is really on a hiding to nothing.
|Happens a lot around these parts.|
In the end, what matters most is how you feel at the close of any given day. If the bunch of pixels you used to love is now something you actively hate, well, we have an answer for that. For all points in between, you need a yardstick and the understanding that whatever you do should make you happy. This has been the closet I've come to quitting for a while, I'll grant you. The trouble is, at least for me, is that I know I'm still not done yet. There's a lot that needs to be poked and prodded, and when what's more important to you is being right in your own mind than being popular, then there's probably some room for manoeuvre. I still maintain this isn't about people thinking I'm Blizzard's friend. Sometimes, you don't want to be friends with someone, you're just after respect. If you can't get that by saying what you see, and believing there's an issue? Well, then it is time to move on.
What matters to me most of all, right now, is fairness. I want to be fair and honest with what I see and report. I don't think that's unreasonable, and I don't think that's too much to ask of anyone who blogs in gaming. However, there are many people who would feel otherwise, and whilst this attitude remains, there is potential for conflict. Pixels are serious business, after all.
That's why I'm determined to keep doing what I'm doing, however much flack I draw.